10 Black Flicks my Blackness will not allow me to see

Tyler Perry

With all the talk about CNN not putting one of their black journalist in the primetime spot, and the fact cable and network TV is lacking color in that same slot I was thinking about black movies. I mean once something blows up trust me the copycats come out of no where to capitalize on the craze. Not all flicks are on the same level though. While writing about Boyz N The Hood it hit me the 90’s were like the 70’s for black films. There were a handful of black films during that decade and most were good a few were classic and the rest well, people got checks so black actors had jobs.

There are many black films I haven’t seen because as a respectable black man with loads of self respect I just can’t watch because I’m black. Being black shouldn’t mean I should watch any film made by black people for black people. Those films usually are straight garbage and will end up on BET so I know it’s not good.  So I figured I’d come up with a list of 10 that I haven’t seen and have no intentions on seeing EVER in life.

  1. Soul Plane

soul plane

The name alone made me feel like I had to pass on this piece of shit film. Truthfully you would have thought a black version of Airplane would be funny, not the case. The problem is from the many quotes and scenes played out by people who hold this in high regard like college students in the 70’s did a Monty Python film you’d think it’s funny as fuck, again not the case. It’s some low brow stereotypical shit with low, very fucking low, expectations of black people. It sounds like a stand up comedians’ comedy routine that got green lit into a film. Like most of these films the people who say they love it sad to say fall in a very fucked up category in my book.

2.   3 Strikes

3 Strikes

The first film to come out right after Friday became a hit. Once the word spread how long or the short time it took to film Friday and how cheap it to make there was a slew of black films that followed. I’m not even going in to them all, let 3 Strikes be sum of them all. Again another movie that feeds into the more fucked up shit we as black people do. I remember a friend of a friend telling me about the movie and was laughing so hard he couldn’t breathe. I however while listening didn’t even crack a smile, maybe I’m not aware of what is and isn’t funny.

3.   Malibooty

nalibooty

Never even knew this movie was around and I’m pretty sure no one else did either until the star Kym Whitley joked about on her The View wannabe show on BET. From that point a few people went out their way to hunt the movie down. I personally haven’t met anyone who has seen it but the name is stuck in my head.

4.   Welcome Home Rosce Jenkins

welcome home Roscoe Jenkins

I like Martin Lawrence and have tried to support the comeback when I felt the movie deserved it. This film didn’t at all. The title alone was enough to make me not want to even try to get a bootleg of the shit. The trailer wasn’t funny at all to me when I saw it and I couldn’t get pass the title… Yeah I hate that tile. No one really liked this flick so I’m not alone on this pick.

5.   Hot Boyz
Hot Boyz movie

Snopp was riding with Master P so of course during this time when P was not just dropping an album a week he also was doing the same with flicks and Snoop was in this one. I’ve only watched 3 No Limit films and that is enough for me. This flick will serve for all the No Limit films back then and the comedy shit that’s currently making the rounds too.

6.   Stamp The Yard
Stomp The Yard
Well Drumline got love and did ok in the box office why not do another film about something that Black Colleges do.. Step. The difference is Drumline had Nick Cannon and during that time he was looking like the next Will Smith. Stomp The Yard had??? I think Chris Brown, I don’t know and I didn’t hear many people talk about this film. Plus side it wasn’t a fucking comedy.

7.   Who’s Your Caddy
who's your caddy

While Dre 3000 was getting some respect for his acting chops his former or somewhat still group member starred in this piece of shit. Again the title alone makes me avoid this film. I guess golf movies with golf references don’t go well with black people since I’ve heard 3 people say the saw this flick and it sucked. 2 of those people LOVE Soul Plane.

8.   You Got Served
You Got Served
Yeah this new version of Breaking really didn’t do shit for me. B2K was hot and this was their flick, wasn’t a fan of them dudes at all.

9.   Obsessed

Obsessed

This movie was billed as the updated version of Fatal Attraction. I’m glad the pop media didn’t see it for what it truly was.. Black women revenge. Yeah the media and Beyonce herself under played the interracial scope of the film but black women didn’t. If the myth of White men wanting to protect their white women from black men is true so is the one of Black women hate black men with white women. The fact that all the black chicks I know as well as a few critics pointed out the best scene is the fight scene… Hmm I wonder why?

10.   Any Tyler Perry movie that isn’t Daddy’s Little Girls ( I actually saw that one and like it)
Tyler Perry
What can you say about a Tyler Perry flick that hasn’t already been said? I give him credit when he tries to break away from the buffoonery. The problem is those films don’t gross well so it’s back to the dress, wig and gun for Perry. He puts out a film a year it seems like and they do well with his audience which is mostly all black women. He is truly the example of as long as you’re black we will support you  right now. Again I wish those none typical Tyler Perry flicks would do well and we can get better films from him and then maybe I’d watch more of his work.

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