I put all of my blog posts from my website and myspace, I’m glad my page is still up, to my laptop and was just reading a few of them and this is one of the many I really do like.
Remember the “Wishing upon a Star” song? I was chilling listening to some dudes talking about what they’d do with a nice grip. All I heard was I wish, I wish, I wish and it was for money on stupid shit. So then the question came my way, “You don’t wish you had a good 15 to 20 K at times to just live it up”? Me being me my answer was so far from what they wanted to hear. I simply said “Nah, why would I”? I guess I’m in the minority of those who grew up poor and feels money doesn’t make or break me. Never did much with money other than save it and spend it on bills, or on shit I really wanted like old records. So then I was asked what I would wish for.
Well really my wishes would be well deserved selfish ones. I wish I could, if just for the time it takes the sun to fully rise, speak with my grandmother. I was in the third grade when she passed, and still to this day I remember the last tease phase she was in. My brother was born and the A Team had shit on smash. My brother had hair in the middle of his head and my grandmother was bent on nicknaming him Mr. T. She’d hold him and with her breathe smelling like butterscotch speaking in baby talk “you pity the fool don’t you? Yes you do.” I would love to talk to her mother who I remember looked like George Jefferson’s mother. I would love to know so much about my mom and their lives beyond the crazy stories I have stored in my memory. Would love to know as a man have I made them proud? And speaking of being a man, I wish I was strong enough to find a building block to start a new foundation with my dad. I’ve tried but my hope is it will one day before it’s too late I do it. I wish I could just once touch down in Africa and feel that connect you hear black people say they get when they go there. To travel the Middle East, to view Mecca, Jerusalem, and to see the pyramids in Egypt Go to India and walk the same sand that held the frail frame and strong will of Gandhi.
I couldn’t see myself wishing for money, why would I? When I did have good money, deep pockets popping I helped loved ones and friends stay afloat. When I travel around the country I took people with me when I traveled. So I guess in one way I did get that wish in my lifetime. I remember watching my mom and wishing I could give her a break, it came I saw, I conquered. I learned early in life money doesn’t make you rich by any sense. I’ve spent many high school days skipping school and waiting for a metro by bums and homeless people. The stories they told me were pure magic, I’ve watched grown men cry telling me stuff they been through. So I knew growing up living a good life isn’t about what you have, but what you have experienced. And that’s why I would never wish I could do shit over, even the fucked up stuff. You live you learn and I’ve done both and will continue to do so.